Another Update!

I can’t believe it’s been a month since I last wrote on here.  It has not been because I have not had many thoughts, I have.  My thoughts have frankly been overwhelming me lately.  I have started several postings, but ended up saving them as drafts and not publishing them.  Not sure why, perhaps I just felt like I could not fully write something.  But I have been itching to post SOMETHING.  So I will give a quick update to whomever reads this!

1.  In just a few weeks I am leaving for a mission trip to Wales again.  I went last year, and am going again to the same place to work with the same people.  I’m more excited about it, I feel like God will be able to use me more fully this time around since it will not be a new experience to me.  Also, I am interested in seeing how the follow-up will be with the youth we ministered last year.  Also…we are going to LONDON!  So yes, I am pretty pumped.

2.  God has been shaping me so much, I feel like lately He has been really refining me and revealing to me clear direction.  I know what my passion is!  Hallelujah!  The funny thing is that it has been obvious the entire time; and I feel silly not realizing it before.  But even though I do not have any opportunities in that area of ministry, I am working on it and being patient.  I am working to go back to school, hopefully to Christ for the Nations Institute out in Texas.  I am in the application process still, so I will update on that later.

3.  The Passion CD finally came out, and it is incredible.  It’s so amazing to listen to those songs and remember those nights of worship so vividly.  Such an amazing experience and I feel so blessed to have been a part of it.  I took a leap of faith and already purchased my ticket for Passion 2011; even though I’m not even sure where or what I will be doing (but I’m hoping!).  But it’s okay, I told myself after the first Passion event I attended that I would NEVER miss it.  I know it will work out somehow.  The Passion movement has such a special place in my heart, I would really love to be part of it someday…REALLY part of it.  Not just an attendee.  I can dream, right?

4.  I’ve been coming to terms more and more with who God has made me to be.  And the idea that being a child of God means sacrificing my individuality.  So long I have struggled with the age-old question, “Who am I?”  Thanks to Oswald Chambers, I have realized the answer to this question.  I am NOT my own, I am HIS.  He made me, and He has rights to me….I do not have my own rights to myself.  I am not under my control. I am under His…and I wouldn’t want it any other way.  God is so incredible, and I truly find immense joy in worshiping Him.  Because we were MADE to worship (just like Chris Tomlin says)…and so that is where we find our contentment and our peace.  When we are praising our creator.

I remember John Piper talking about this very topic at Passion (yes, I am talking about Passion again…deal with it!); he talked about the many people who do not understand why a loving God would DEMAND our love, affection, and adoration.  These people were actually turned off by God because of this very notion.  But as I thought about it…don’t we do the same thing?  We expect…and often demand love from those that are closest to us…our friends, our parents…our children…our spouses.  We expect them to love and adore us…and constantly remind us how they feel about us.  At some point or another, we have all been guilty of this.  So why should God expect anything less from His OWN CREATION?  He IS God…He made us…He loves us.  If anyone is questioning why we should honor and be in awe of God…just read Job 38-40.  You will certainly be put in your place after that.  I loved reading it the other day, God really just hit me over the head with it.  I actually have started a posting about that, which I will finish later.  So look out for it!

I’ve already said more than I intended to, but I tend to do that a lot.  So I will post something else very soon!

<3 B

The First of Many Posts about Passion 2010

If any of you know me, you know I just got back from the Passion conference in Atlanta, Georgia.  I know you know this because I cannot stop talking about it.  I was blessed to attend the two-day Passion conference back in 2008, when they were going global so they were not doing the usual 4-day long conference.  So the experience did not hit me as hard as it did this year, getting the full Passion experience.  Man, I have been to numerous churches, conferences, camps, you name it, I’ve been there.  I have NEVER been so overwhelmed with the power and glory of God as I have been this past week.  Ever in my life.  From the entire experience.  The deep wisdom delivered through the speakers, and the break out sessions.  I haven’t been challenged like that mentally in a long time, my brain was going into overload.  The quality and genuineness of the worship…when you get 21,000 people and somehow we all sang with one voice and one heartbeat.  Not only were we there to be fed and served…but Passion offered opportunities to serve the world.  With their Do Something Now exhibits, we were able to see and give to different causes all over the world.  And just the overall glory and presence of God!

It was so incredibly overwhelming to me, but in a good way.  Driving home from Passion, after I dropped my friend off; I just started crying.  It wasn’t a bad cry or anything, it was just a mixture of so many emotions over the last few days and I just had to let them out.  I still feel overwhelmed and I don’t ever want to lose that feeling.  I think we aren’t overwhelmed enough with God, and we should be!  He is GOD.  We should feel incredibly overwhelmed and insignificant.  We should never forget who God is and what He can accomplish.  And I think too often we do.   We get caught up in all the little things and think God either doesn’t care enough to fix them, or that He can’t.  Well both of those thoughts are so wrong.  God DOES care about the little things, He is always at work in the smaller details; because He knows it’s the smaller details that put together the bigger picture and God sees it all, even when we don’t.  Something I have learned from BSF this year is that there are NO coincidences.  If we truly believe in God we believe every single thing happens for a purpose.

The more I try to find words to describe the week, the more I feel they just don’t do it justice.  Even the best words would be an understatement.  During worship one night, I felt in my heart that this was a small taste of what Heaven was going to be like.  It’s bad, but all my life I have been apprehensive about dying and going to Heaven.  I just always felt like there was so much I still wanted to accomplish on Earth.  Over the last few months I have realized my heartbeat is for worship; and the night Hillsong led us all in worship, I realized, “Hey…this is what I love to do.  Worship God, and that is all I am going to do in Heaven!!! How awesome is that!!!”  It was such an incredible feeling.  I didn’t want the night to end, but when it did… I just reminded myself that I get to do that for an eternity.  And I can continue to worship God wherever I am, it doesn’t have to be in an arena filled with 21,000 other passionate believers.  Worship isn’t about who is leading or which song it is, it’s simply about praising God for who He is.  Not for what He’s done in our lives, because that’s pretty self-centered to praise God for blessing us, then that is making worship about us.  We praise God because He’s GOD!

As much as I loved Passion, I have never left a conference feeling so ready to take the world on.  Usually I’m bummed, and just wanting to go back and just stay in the bubble for a little bit longer.  But I am pumped!  How awesome is that!

Oh goodness, i have so many new thoughts and wonderful notes from the sessions to talk about.  But I shouldn’t go overboard.  I don’t want this fire to fizzle out.

<3 B